How to Build Connection
How to Build Connection with Your Newborn
Becoming a parent is one of life’s most transformative experiences. Among the many responsibilities, building a deep connection with your baby is one of the most powerful—and protective—things you can do. But what does connection actually mean in parenting, and how do you build it in those early days? In this blog we explore what connection looks like with your newborn, why it’s essential for their development, and how you can nurture it through simple, everyday moments.
What Does Connection Mean in Parenting?
In parenting, connection refers to the secure emotional bond formed between a parent or caregiver and their child. It’s about feeling attuned to one another. Where the baby feels safe, seen, soothed, and supported. Connection doesn’t require perfection. It’s built through consistent, responsive interactions where the baby’s needs are noticed and met with care. When you pick up your baby when they cry, hold them close, and respond to their cues, you’re building connection, even in the most ordinary moments. You are helping them to feel safe and secure.
Why Is Connection So Important for Your Baby’s Development?
A strong parent-child connection is the foundation for healthy development in every area of life:
1. Brain Development
The early months of life are a period of rapid brain growth. Research shows that responsive caregiving helps shape the architecture of the baby’s developing brain, particularly the stress response system and emotional regulation centres (Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, 2020).
2. Secure Attachment
Connected caregiving fosters secure attachment—where a child learns the world is safe and caregivers are dependable. According to Bowlby’s attachment theory, this provides lifelong benefits, including emotional resilience, better relationships, and reduced mental health risks.
3. Emotional and Social Development
When babies feel consistently cared for, they internalise the message that they are loved and valued. This builds self-esteem and supports their ability to form healthy relationships later in life.
4. Reduces Stress for Baby and Parent
Skin-to-skin contact, affectionate touch, and responsive care reduce cortisol (stress hormone) levels in both infants and their parents (Feldman, 2012). This helps regulate your baby’s nervous system and also promotes calmness in caregivers.
How to Build Connection with Your Newborn
Connection isn’t a single event—it’s built moment by moment through loving, responsive interactions. Here are some evidence-informed ways to deepen your bond with your baby:
1. Skin-to-Skin Contact
Holding your baby against your bare chest after birth and throughout the early weeks helps regulate their heartbeat, breathing, and temperature. It promotes oxytocin (the “love hormone”) in both parent and baby and has been shown to improve breastfeeding outcomes and bonding (Moore et al., 2016).
2. Respond Promptly to Cues
Your baby communicates through cries, facial expressions, and body movements. When you respond to their cues—whether with a feed, a cuddle, or a gentle word—you’re telling them they are safe and heard. This builds trust and connection.
3. Use Eye Contact and Gentle Voice
Even newborns are wired to look at faces. Talk to your baby with a calm, melodic tone (known as “infant-directed speech”) and hold their gaze. This not only supports language development but strengthens emotional closeness.
4. Be Present During Feeds
Whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, use this time to slow down. Look into your baby’s eyes, stroke their hands, and tune in. Feeding isn’t just nutrition, it’s connection. Especially as so much oxytocin is released at this time.
5. Babywearing
Carrying your baby in a sling or wrap helps them feel safe and close, while also giving you mobility. Research shows it promotes secure attachment and can reduce infant crying (Anisfeld et al., 1990).
6. Talk, Sing, and Narrate
Your baby loves hearing your voice, even if they don’t understand the words yet. Singing lullabies or narrating what you’re doing helps them feel included and connected. It also supports early communication skills.
7. Create a Calm Environment
Newborns thrive on calmness. Keeping a gentle rhythm to your day—like regular naps, feeds, and cuddles—helps your baby feel secure and supported.
8. Repair the Disruptions
Connection isn’t about always getting it right. There will be moments you’re tired, distracted, or don’t know what your baby needs. What matters is coming back together—offering a cuddle, a soothing voice, or just your presence. This is known as rupture and repair, and it’s key to secure attachment.
Final Thoughts
Building a connection with your newborn doesn’t require doing more—it’s about being present and emotionally available in the moments that matter. The good news is that connection is built through the simple, everyday things: a cuddle, a gaze, a loving voice.
But what if you’re struggling to feel that bond?
You’re not alone. Many parents experience disconnection in the early days—especially if you’ve had a difficult birth, are recovering from trauma, are feeling low, or simply overwhelmed by the adjustment to parenthood. Connection is not a one-time moment—it grows over time. Being kind to yourself, seeking support, and speaking openly about how you’re feeling can help. If this resonates, you might find our blog “When Bonding Doesn’t Happen Instantly: What You Need to Know” helpful.
Remember, it’s not about being a perfect parent—it’s about being a responsive one.
References
Centre on the Developing Child (2020). Serve and Return Interaction Shapes Brain Architecture. Harvard University.
Feldman, R. (2012). Oxytocin and social affiliation in humans. Hormones and Behaviour.
Moore, E.R., Bergman, N., Anderson, G.C., & Medley, N. (2016). Early skin‐to‐skin contact for mothers and their healthy newborn infants. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Volume I.
Anisfeld, E., Casper, V., Nozyce, M., & Cunningham, N. (1990). Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment. Child Development.