Why Won’t They Poo on the Potty?
Why Won’t They Poo on the Potty? Understanding What’s Really Going On…
You’ve nailed wees on the potty and you’re feeling hopeful. But then comes the problem of the poo. Your child will happily ask for the potty to wee, yet when it’s time to do a poo, they hide behind the sofa, wait for a nappy, go when sleeping, or hold it in completely. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents describe this phase as one of the trickiest parts of toilet training. But rest assured it’s incredibly common, completely normal, and solvable with understanding, patience, and the right approach.
This blog explores why this happens, and what you can do to gently help your child overcome their fear of pooing on the potty.
(An evidence-based guide for parents by The Healthy Child Co.)
1. The Fear Factor: It Feels “Too Big” or Scary
For toddlers, a poo can feel like a part of them is leaving their body and that can be frightening. The sensation of letting go can feel strange, and if they’ve ever had pain from constipation, they may start to associate pooing with discomfort or fear. Research has shown that painful bowel movements are one of the strongest predictors of stool withholding (Bakker et al., 2002). Once that association is formed, it can take time and reassurance to rebuild trust in their body.
Another layer to this fear often comes from how we talk about poo. Even well-intentioned comments like “that’s stinky,” “that’s dirty,” or “eww” can make children feel ashamed or anxious about something that is completely natural. Avoiding shame-based language and instead using neutral or positive phrases helps children understand that bowel movements are a normal, healthy function of the body.
Tip: Talk about poo as a normal, healthy body process. You can say things like,
“Your body is amazing, that’s how it gets rid of the food and waste it doesn’t need.” Use books like Everybody Poops or The Poo Fairy to normalise the topic and make it part of everyday conversation.
Normalising bowel movements is imperative as it builds body confidence, reduces fear, and supports a positive relationship with toileting as your child grows.
2. Helping Them Relax on the Potty
Creating a calm and comfortable routine helps your child’s body relax enough to poo. Try sitting your child on the potty for 5–10 minutes after a meal this is when the body’s natural “gastrocolic reflex” is strongest. Encourage them to blow bubbles, sing, or hum softly while sitting this helps relax the pelvic floor muscles and can make pooing easier. You can also read a short story together or play gentle music to create a positive, calm association with potty time. Avoid using screens or rushing the process the goal is to make it a relaxed and predictable part of the day, not a pressured one.
3. Withholding: When Avoidance Becomes a Habit
When a child starts holding in their poo, the stool becomes larger, drier, and more uncomfortable to pass, which makes the cycle worse. This is known as stool withholding, a behavioural response often triggered by a negative experience (NICE, 2019).
You might notice signs like:
Standing on tiptoes, crossing legs, or hiding behind furniture
Going several days without a poo
Passing very large or hard stools when they finally do go
This isn’t stubbornness, it’s anxiety and a fear of pain. Reiterated by passing large and hard stools each time they go.
Tip: If your child is withholding, keep them in nappies temporarily for pooing until they’re no longer scared or constipated. It’s better to maintain healthy bowel movements than to create further stress around the potty. Keeping stool soft is essential to elevate fear.
4. Constipation Makes Everything Harder
Constipation is both a cause and a consequence of potty refusal. Studies show that around 25–40% of children experience constipation during toilet training (van den Berg et al., 2006).
Constipation can make poo painful, which can then lead to withholding, creating a vicious cycle. In some cases, a child may develop encopresis (also known as overflow), where stool leaks without their control.
Tip:
Ensure your child is drinking plenty of fluids (see our blog on how much fluid)
Offer fibre-rich foods such as fruits, vegetables, beans, and wholegrains
Consult your GP or health visitor if your child’s stools are consistently hard or infrequent. Laxatives are often recommended under NICE guidelines to break the withholding cycle safely.
4. The Potty Itself Might Be the Problem
Sometimes it’s as simple as discomfort or positioning. Sitting on a cold, wobbly, or unfamiliar potty or toilet seat can make your child tense up. Children need to feel secure, grounded, and in control. If their feet are dangling or the potty feels unstable, their pelvic floor muscles can tighten making it physically harder to poo.
Tip:
Ensure feet are supported (use a step or stool if on the toilet)
Choose a comfortable potty or use a toilet seat reducer
Let your child sit for a few minutes 30 minutes after meals, this is when the body naturally wants to poo (the “gastrocolic reflex”).
5. Emotional Readiness and Control
Pooing is all about letting go, physically and emotionally. For toddlers, mastering toileting is also about control. They’re learning autonomy, and saying “no” is a powerful way of expressing it. The average age for bowel training completion is around 2.5–3.5 years, but starting to poo on the potty varies widely (Brazelton, 1962; Schum et al., 2001). Rushing can backfire.
Tip: Look for toileting cues such as their ‘poo face’ and encourage them to sit on the potty, “you look like you need a poo", you know where the potty is if you want to try” this promotes independence and autonomy. Look out for any bowel habits like passing poo at particular times of the day and encouraging sitting on the potty at these times. Encourage development of body awareness such as awareness of a full bowel or reporting the sensation in their rectum.
6. Regression Is Common
Even once your child starts using the potty for poos, regression can happen, often after illness, a move, or a new sibling. It’s a sign that your child needs reassurance, not punishment.
Tip: Stay calm, stay consistent, and remind them that accidents are part of learning. Reinforce positive behaviour rather than focusing on mistakes.
Final Thoughts: Connection Over Control
The key to helping your child poo on the potty isn’t pressure , it’s connection. Your calm reassurance helps them feel safe enough to let go.
Remember:
Stay patient and relaxed
Avoid shaming or scolding
Praise effort, not just success
Keep bowels healthy with good nutrition and hydration
If constipation, withholding, or distress continues, speak to your GP or health visitor for tailored support.
And if you’re looking for structured, evidence-based guidance, my “Three-Step Potty Training Course” walks you through Prepare, Practice, and Proficiency with expert strategies for every stage, including poo refusal and withholding.
Need More Support?
We cover topics like weaning. If you’d like guidance that’s evidence-based and parent-friendly, check out our courses or for more personal support our 1:1 coaching.
References
Bakker, E., van Gool, J., van Sprundel, M., van der Auwera, C., & Wyndaele, J.J. (2002). Results of a questionnaire evaluating the effects of different methods of toilet training on achieving bladder control. BJU International, 90(4), 456–461.
NICE (2019). Constipation in children and young people: diagnosis and management. NICE Guideline [CG99].
van den Berg, M. M., Benninga, M. A., & Di Lorenzo, C. (2006). Epidemiology of childhood constipation: a systematic review. The American Journal of Gastroenterology, 101(10), 2401–2409.
Schum, T. R., Kolb, T. M., McAuliffe, T. L., Simms, M. D., Underhill, R. L., Lewis, M., & Pupp, R. L. (2001). Sequential acquisition of toilet-training skills: a descriptive study of readiness skills in normal toddlers. Pediatrics, 107(3), e45.
Brazelton, T. B. (1962). A child-oriented approach to toilet training. Pediatrics, 29(1), 121–128.