Separation Anxiety in September
Separation Anxiety in September: Helping Your Child (and Yourself) Cope
September is a month of fresh starts, new schools, new nurseries, and new routines. For many parents, it’s also the first time their little one is away from them for longer stretches of the day. And while this is a normal part of development, it can stir up big feelings for children and parents.
If you’ve noticed clinginess, tears at drop-off, or your child insisting they only want you, you’re not alone. This is separation anxiety and it’s an expected healthy stage in early childhood. In fact, it’s a sign of a strong bond between you and your child. That doesn’t make it easier but can bring comfort to many.
In this blog, we’ll explore what separation anxiety is, why September often brings it to the surface, and practical, evidence-based ways you can support your child (and yourself) through it.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a developmental stage where children feel distressed when apart from their parent or main caregiver. It often starts around 8–10 months, peaks between 18 months and 3 years, and can reappear at key transition points, such as starting nursery, preschool, or school. It’s rooted in attachment theory. Your child relies on you as their secure base, someone who provides safety, comfort, and reassurance. When you leave, even briefly, it can feel scary for them until they learn you always come back.
Why is September a trigger?
September is full of change. New classrooms, new faces, new routines, it’s no wonder children seek extra reassurance. Even confident children may show new clingy behaviours at this time of year because their sense of predictability is shaken. Add in the excitement and tiredness of adjusting to new schedules and brand new stimulations and it’s a perfect storm for separation anxiety. Importantly, this isn’t a sign something is “wrong” it’s simply your child adjusting to a new stage.
Signs your child might be experiencing separation anxiety
Crying, clinging, or refusing to let go at drop-off
Asking for you repeatedly when you’re not there
Waking more at night or needing extra comfort
Complaining of tummy aches or feeling unwell before school
Regression in behaviour (e.g., toileting accidents, baby talk)
These signs are temporary and with the right support, children adapt beautifully.
How to support your child through separation anxiety
1. Validate their feelings
Acknowledge their worry rather than brushing it off. Try saying “I know it feels hard when I leave, but I always come back” helps children feel understood.
2. Keep goodbyes short and consistent
Lingering or sneaking away can increase anxiety. Instead, create a predictable goodbye ritual, a hug, a wave at the window, a special phrase, that helps your child feel secure. Consistency and predictablity are two of the most important parts of drop off. If both parents are doing drop offs, then talk about the phrase you are going to say.
3. Stay calm and confident
Children take cues from us. If you look worried or uncertain, they may feel the situation isn’t safe. A confident, reassuring tone goes a long way in easing their distress.
4. Build up separation gradually
If possible, practise short separations before big transitions. Leaving your child with a trusted adult for short periods helps them learn that you always return.
5. Use transitional objects
A comfort item, like a small soft toy, or a small comforter/blanket that smells of you. These can provide reassurance during the day.
6. Work with teachers and staff
Nursery and school staff are experienced in managing separation anxiety. Share your child’s needs and agree on a consistent plan for drop-offs.
Supporting yourself as a parent
Separation anxiety isn’t just hard on children, it can tug at a parent’s heart too. It’s normal to feel guilty or emotional when your child cries as you leave. Remind yourself:
This is a normal stage of development
Your child’s tears don’t mean they’re unhappy all day
Most children settle within minutes of their parent leaving
Take time for yourself once you’ve said goodbye, whether that’s a coffee, a walk, or simply a moment to breathe holding your heart. Looking after your own emotions helps you support your child’s.
When to seek support
Separation anxiety is usually short-lived. But if your child’s distress is intense, continues for weeks, or interferes with daily life (e.g., refusing to go to school, extreme physical symptoms), it may be helpful to seek advice from your GP, health visitor, or school.
Final thoughts
Separation anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it’s a healthy part of your child’s development. With patience, empathy, and consistent reassurance, most children adjust quickly to new routines. September may bring tears at the door, but it also brings opportunities for growth, independence, and resilience. Remember, separation anxiety means your child has a strong attachment with you. You didn’t create this ‘neediness’ from co-sleeping, breastfeeding or responsive parenting. It is a sign of healthy secure attachment. That secure bond is the very thing that will give them the confidence to explore the world, know their worth and have healthy adult relationships.
Need More Support?
We cover topics like baby sleep, toddler sleep, responsive parenting and managing toddlers emotions in our expert-led courses for babies and toddlers. If you’d like guidance that’s evidence-based and parent-friendly, check out our courses or for more personal support our 1:1 coaching.
Further Reading
American Academy of Pediatrics. Separation Anxiety
World Health Organization. Improving early childhood development: WHO guideline
National Institute of Mental Health. Separation Anxiety Disorder
References
NHS (2023). Separation anxiety in children.
American Academy of Pediatrics (2015). Separation Anxiety.
World Health Organization (2020). Improving early childhood development: WHO guideline.
National Institute of Mental Health (2022). Separation Anxiety Disorder.
National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE). (2019). Social, emotional and mental wellbeing in primary and secondary education (NG223).
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. London: Routledge.
Muris, P., & Meesters, C. (2002). Symptoms of anxiety disorders in normal children. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(8), 953–966. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(01)00175-8
Schmidt, L. A., Fox, N. A., Rubin, K. H., Sternberg, E. M., Gold, P. W., Smith, C. C., & Schulkin, J. (1997). Behavioural and psychophysiological correlates of separation anxiety in early childhood. Developmental Psychology, 33(5), 775–785. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.33.5.775
Beesdo, K., Knappe, S., & Pine, D. S. (2009). Anxiety and anxiety disorders in children and adolescents: Developmental issues and implications for DSM-V. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 32(3), 483–524. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2009.06.002
Lebowitz, E. R., Marin, C., Martino, A., Shimshoni, Y., & Silverman, W. K. (2014). Parent-based treatment as efficacious as cognitive-behavioral therapy for childhood anxiety: A randomized noninferiority study of Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 53(11), 1168–1176. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2014.08.002
Luby, J., Kertz, S., & Belden, A. (2021). Separation anxiety in early childhood and its relationship with later mental health outcomes. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 62(5), 563–571. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13299
Croy, S., Voss, C., & Büttner, C. (2022). Separation anxiety in young children: Developmental perspectives and implications for early interventions. Child Psychiatry & Human Development. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-021-01244-9